Today four days ago we were burgled. They took our television and our projector. Otherwise they were quite neat and tidy.

They “borrowed” a ladder and propped it against the wall and threw a brick through an upstairs window. They crawled through the smallest hole imaginable in the fractured safety glass. A child or someone very very thin.

They left some marks on the walls from their dirty latex gloves, next to photographs of artists.

They went through the tool box and looked under the beds and opened the washing machine.

They found the whisky but didn’t take it. It seems like they might have eaten 3 shortbread biscuits, but we may be mistaken.

They stood on an orange chair.

We weren’t surprised.